I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
