I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
