You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
