Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
