i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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