Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
