Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
