He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize