so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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