i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The adults are the big ones right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
