Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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