She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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