honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
