is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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