is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
