Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
