Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
