I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm at about main and main street
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
