I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize