You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
