How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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