Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
