SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize