That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
