My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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