I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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