He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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