plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
