As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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