My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
