i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
