There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize