I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
