he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
