I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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