so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
