There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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