Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
