Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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