dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Drunk is not a location!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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