3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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