He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's always time for handjobs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
