You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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