Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
