ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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