STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
