I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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