Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
