Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
