i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
