I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
