btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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