I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
