I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
