We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
