i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
