I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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