drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize