They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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