He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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