I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
