guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You need a sexual gate keeper
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
