i barfeds in our rink
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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