Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
