even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize