i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
